The recent pandemic brought many unnoticed things and feelings on the surface. Things you usually shrug off, give in, or even ignore. The journey of studying abroad while managing studies, cooking for yourself, doing things you love but also limiting yourself where necessary was a revelation in itself. I never knew I was the one who was holding myself back, until I did those things I never thought I would! What happens you discover more about yourself—your dreams, ambitions, fears and limits ? When you start to see things that didn’t earlier cross your mind ? While I embarked on my own, to find myself, and to enjoy what life has to offer, I realised that the way I look at life had changed. And that sometimes, you just outgrow people you used to know well.
It didn’t start all at once, took me some 7-8 months. While I felt I was constantly pushing myself to be better, my closest people had their own goals to conquer. At times, we tried to understand our problems and sometimes I don’t know where the deviated. But I carried on with the hope that things would be okay. One fine day, when I am insanely exhausted, I continue talking to my friend, but after normal whereabouts, the conversation goes awkward…until we hung up. Had we run out of things to talk about? The conversations which seemed quite natural a while back, seem forced now and the same ones which fulfilled me, were draining me out. The long hours getting replaced by minutes. It seemed maybe I had to give time to them and to me. Maybe letting go is the right thing to do.
For me, to be aware of the these small changes and to actually let go, wasn’t the easiest task, but an essential one for growth. There have been phases when I felt extremely guilty and decided to just carry on and be the best friends that we were, even though the signs of outgrown friendship were full on display. Not the same vibes, different life goals, not the same person anymore, not the challenging conversations anymore. I know it was coming. But when the conversation went awkward, I knew that I needed to face the reality head on. It can sad and confusing and it is still taking me time to sink in. Still unsure about how I would be adapting to this different stage of life, but I feel sometimes you need to do things for yourself.
