The recent pandemic brought many hitherto unseen things and feelings to the surface. Things you generally dismiss, give in to or simply ignore. The journey of studying abroad while managing studies, cooking for yourself, doing things you love but also limiting yourself where necessary was a revelation in itself. Never knew things could hold me back. But what happens when you discover more about yourself—your dreams, ambitions, fears, and limits? When you start to see things that didn’t earlier cross your mind ? While I embarked on my own, to find myself, and to enjoy what life has to offer, I realised that the way I look at life had changed. And that sometimes, you just outgrow people you used to know well.
It didn’t start all at once, took me some 7-8 months. While I felt I was constantly pushing myself to be better, my closest people had their own goals to conquer. At times, we tried to understand our problems and sometimes I don’t know where the deviated. But I carried on with the hope that things would be okay. One fine day, when I am insanely exhausted, I continue talking to my friend, but after normal whereabouts, the conversation goes awkward…until we hung up. Had we run out of things to talk about? The conversations which seemed quite natural a while back, seem forced now and the same ones which fulfilled me, were draining me out. The long hours getting replaced by minutes. It seemed maybe I had to give time to them and to me. Maybe letting go is the right thing to do.
Being aware of these subtle adjustments and letting go was not an easy effort for me, but it was necessary for my growth. Even though the indicators of outgrown friendship were all over the place, there have been times when I felt terribly bad and decided to just keep going and be the greatest friends that we were. Not the same vibes, different life aspirations, not the challenging conversations anymore. I had a feeling it was going to happen. It’s sad and perplexing, with a layer of guilt forming on. Hopefully, time will heal all wounds and bring in more perspective.